therunningmindblog

The energy has been heavy for a bit, as it gets from time to time. Being a Pisces and an empath, I am noticing it more and more and feeling it deeper and deeper. It seems everyone I talk to is under some sort of chronic stress. My people will say to me, “that’s just life, Mad.” But is it? Is it “just life” for people to be this stressed out?

I have a tendency to take on other’s energy. I am a mother, I work in the psychiatric unit, and I am an empath. I soak up people’s pain unintentionally. Thankfully, I have a pretty decent clearing practice for this, but lately it does feel like all of the clearing in the world can’t keep me grounded. I don’t mean to sound negative, of course I know all of this is temporary. But on this gloomy Tuesday, I feel really called to talk about it.

When you enter a career path of service and helping others, you are committing to the hard work of dealing with other’s energy on a daily basis. I work in an inpatient psychiatric facility. Some would say I am “desensitized” to it but I would just argue that I relate to all patients from the standpoint of having been through a mental health crisis. Experiencing suicidal ideation is like experiencing a heart issue. You need help, good medical care, and lifestyle changes. Unfortunately, our country does not see it that way. Mental health is stigmatized and looked down upon still. Some days I feel like I have more in common with psych patients than I do all the phony baloney people in our world. Watching the news or looking at the political stage, it’s all foreign. It’s good vs. evil all day long. Its people who have completely forgotten a basic principle of “love thy neighbor.” This alone is a huge part of our mental health crisis. People can’t afford to live, people are isolated, people are scared, hurt, and lonely. We have so much work to do, but the overwhelm of it makes me want to go back to bed, but I have two little girls to raise, so I put pants on, wash my face, and put a smile on. 

Mothers are struggling right now, too. Every mama I have encountered this month is just laden with stress. I saw an article today about parental stress being at an all time high. When we used to worry about a daughter getting knocked up in high school, we are now worrying about a teen dying from fentanyl poisoning or a school shooting. It’s too much. I watch parents in my area grind themselves down to pay a mortgage and cover childcare. We have lost connection to ourselves, to good, old-fashioned fun. We are constantly being sold things, told to do more, and buy more, and we are so so tired. 

I see my tone seems pessimistic, but it’s just honest today. I lost my grandfather on Sunday and I have not even processed it. I cried off and on all weekend, like my soul knew he was leaving this earth. Today, I had a dark thought driving in the rain to work. I thought how relieved he must feel to be in heaven. How relieved he is to reunite in unconditional love and be free of pain, suffering, loneliness, and this world. I want to be clear, I am OKAY, I love life. I feel the heaviness of it sometimes and it really inspires me to write when things are heavy. I know it will turn around. Sometimes you need the darkness to find the light. If we could all start shining a light right now, that would brighten things up! Smile at a stranger, hug people tightly, do something kind. Spread light.

“A season of suffering is a small assignment when compared to the reward.”

Not only the suffering endured but what you do with that suffering. How you interpret it. How you embody it, how you talk about it, all leads to how you come out on the other side and if you even do! The past 32 years of my life have been mostly joyful when I look back over it. But from age eight to present, I have experienced: debilitating anxiety, OCD, depression and suicidal ideation,  chronic pain, intense health related fears, insomnia, panic attacks, the list goes on. Each time I entered a season of suffering, my approach shifted, I began to build a trove of wisdom to pull from. I self-studied, I went within, I reached out. Heck, for my 32nd birthday this year I gifted myself EMDR therapy to eradicate the last of my health trauma. Sure, there will always be some lingering, just like a scar left behind. But that scar is a reminder of how far I have come, what I have overcome, and ultimately the reason for the depth of joy I feel in my life today. You have to go through the storm, the dark tunnel, the “shit” to get there. And in my opinion, the peace and sense of overall wholeness comes from how you endure and move through the pain. Pain is the admission for a meaningful life. I truly, truly, believe that.

Maybe you are suffering with something right now. Maybe you are feeling overwhelmed or experiencing a lot of stress in your life, like many people are in this fast-paced, expensive world we live in. If you are struggling, first and foremost, you are not alone. But I invite you to tune into the rhythms of your day-to-day routine and see where you can offer yourself  a little space to just be. To take a nap perhaps, to lay on the floor with your feet up the wall and your hands on your belly, feeling your body breathe. Take time each day to tune into your body and ask her what she needs. Notice the sensations. Then tune into what emotions are present. Without trying to interpret or change, just sit with them. Finally, tune in to the space beneath the body and the emotions. That liminal space where your soul is. Can you sit with this for just a few minutes? This is where divine answers start to trickle in. Our inner voice guides us. Our body relays its messages that it’s worn out and overworked. Just start listening. With this slow practice comes more and more wisdom. 

And with this time of uncertainty, stress, and transition to a new season, just slow down. I have decided to pull back from all commitments this month that don’t serve my highest good. I am working part time with my patients, being the best damn mama I can be and nourishing my kids, and spending time present with people I love. Anything additional is taking a backseat until I feel 100% grounded again. I am so sick of social media. I am so sick of being told what I should and shouldn’t give my kid, buy, do. It’s like we are all little robots and it makes me want to move to a farm and homestead. I am taking the time to slow down, to be present with my loved ones, and to find the joy in each day, because it is there! Will you join me this month in doing less so we can BE more?

Take gentle care of yourself and know that you are love,

XOXO,

Maddie

I am slowing down to honor my mind, body, and spirit, I am wintering well.

Tis’ the season for postpartum winter in my life. I knew this was coming with 10 months of pregnancy to prepare. I had some prior experience having birthed my first child in the same season three years prior, but oh how each birth is different. They tell you this. Actually over and over and over again. “Every baby is different.” “No two births are alike.” Well, thank you I understand now. It’s funny how much advice you get beforehand, unsolicited mostly. People are just trying to help, but I think its so individual. There are so many factors that determine how the postpartum experience will play out, not only physiological and hormonal, but so much more. Reina came to me on December 1st, 2023. She was 5 days “late” and I was shocked after having my first, Riley, 5 weeks early. Already these experiences were so different. Riley came early, Reina came late. Riley’s time in utero was very chill, I worked out hard and had no problems ever. My mood was sensational and everything was wonderfully normal.

With Reina, fear was introduced into my pregnancy at 22 weeks in, after I flew off a play set slide and bumped my ribcage, sending my RH negative self into a tizzy and dumbfounding physicians across state lines (literally). My maternal fetal doctor’s final comment to me was that he “just didn’t know” what happened to me. I will spare you the confusion, but basically I had to attend weekly doctors visits, at $600 a visit, for 3 months, and was told each week that any day my baby could develop anemia and be at fatal risk if I did not return every week. I stopped returning against medical advice, but with a strong intuitive sense and lots of my own research and meditation. Reina was fine and healthy and cozy.

My birth was not ideal, there was some intervention when I did not want it, but it was also beautiful and natural as I had planned and prepared for. I like to think the hospital “did their best” and I will take it, but I understand now why home-birth is probably a better route when you are seeking a “natural” birth. I will also spare you my birth story details because thats not the aim of this post! But, a little background here on the lead up to postpartum. I had a tougher pregnancy, with pelvic rest and constant fear. As much as I tried to combat the fear with constant love, it seeped in anyway.

And then I was a mom of two. Just like that. Sleep deprivation was immediate as I had been admitted to the hospital at two am and did not sleep much during my stay. Being so sensitive to little sleep, I quickly became very tired. My delivery had lots of blood loss, so add that in. Back out into the world. Overwhelmed, tired, scared. So so so in love.

We managed, we bonded, we took turns resting, we celebrated Christmas, we got to 6-weeks postpartum and things did get a little easier, just like everyone says they will. Through the whole process I started to buckle down on my obsessive thoughts, I started to hone in on what self care I could achieve, I started to remember that I have tools and experience and wisdom that WILL make this postpartum easier. I am prepared. I am a god damn postpartum specialist for god’s sake. I am human. I am so so human.

I had a lot of readings done by friends before this baby. I kept being told that this time was a “gift.” This time to slow down. Reina was gifting it to me. I listened but I didn’t.

After a few bad days, and then some better ones I started to understand. It got so cold, it snowed. We were so cooped up. We are so cooped up. I was bored. Then I realized. Holy shit, this is a gift. Yesterday, my toddler stood at our family room window in her snow gear and said out loud to herself “time goes by way too fast.” I was nursing the baby and I just stopped all thoughts, I honed in on Riley’s big blue eyes looking out the window for her Nonna and time stood still. Time. Goes. By. Way. Too. Fast. From the mouth of my three year old. This little comment prompted me to realize how incredible this time is. How remarkable and unique. We are all together, warm, fed, cozy and we can be still. We can be right here together. We can heal and we can play and we can learn about this new baby together. I have no deadlines, no pressing meetings, no scheduled anything’s. I am here to connect with these babies and what better time than winter.

After I had Riley I rushed back to work. Felt all the guilt, felt worried about money, my self-esteem tied to all of it. This time I had some of the same knocks at my door right at the 6-week mark. As if its some arbitrary time frame that mothers should be ready to re-enter society in every way possible. “How’s your body? How’s your schedule? When do you plan to return to work? Are you pumping?”

Why am I being asked any of this at six weeks postpartum? I can’t imagine working a corporate, full-time job. I work part time and mostly for myself and I am STILL asked these questions. At three weeks postpartum, my boss at the hospital texted me and asked me if I had time to chat about my schedule. I was leaking breast milk and running on 3-hours of sleep. I hadn’t put the baby down in hours. I panicked and thought about what my schedule could look like. Now I realize, this is not the time. This is solely the time for healing and bonding.

My three-year old opened my eyes on that snow day when she spoke those words. When you have time to rest and nothing pressing, why do you still press and push and squirm? I decided to stop squirming. I am wintering. This does not mean I am not planning, daydreaming, and manifesting about how my business will take shape. But sometimes we need the utter quiet and uncertainty to plant those seeds. Sometimes we need to hibernate a little or a lot and leave space for new to come in. For seeds to be planted for spring. Things look different with two kids. It’s the norm in this area that I live to stick the kids in childcare and have two incomes because its such an expensive area. It’s funny that I always felt the pressure but I have never succumbed to it. I have been working a non-traditional job and schedule since 2016 when I left my federal job. It’s time to fully realize that my life will not look like my neighbors and that is by intention and design. I want to watch my babies grow AND run a successful business, but on my terms. I feel very blessed to be able to do this and it comes with lots of sacrifice but it is so so so worth it to live this meaningful life. It’s a shame that society doesn’t make this easy for mothers…but I digress.

Winter is supposed to be quiet. We are supposed to rest and recover from Summer and Fall and prepare for Spring which is all about action and energy! We can look to the Spring with excitement and yearning, but we need to find time for gratitude and solitude in Winter. And its ok to feel down, to feel sad, to feel lonely. It’s quite human. Sit with the feelings that you feel and feel them, and then ask, “what do I need right now?” A warm bath? A good laugh? To call a friend? To just sit and look out the window and not change a thing?

Life is so much better with mindfulness and all of these lessons and practices are mindfulness in action. When we slow down, notice, and engage in our life NOW, we can discern and discover what it is we really need and what it is we really enjoy. We also discover who we are along the way.

Postpartum is a difficult time for me in the sense that its filled with uncertainty of how much sleep you will get, when your baby will sleep, when you will have time for yourself, but that makes it a more powerful time for me because it is laden with lessons and growth. Challenge changes you. I am changing.

I am doing just a few work things these days. My postpartum support group at the hospital starts back up next week (babies and moms welcome). Yoga & Sound Healing will launch back up in February and be offered once a month. I feel excited to begin emerging back into my work in this slow and intentional way. And I really look forward to Spring. To sign up for yoga & sound healing, click here: https://www.empoweryogatherapy.org/events-and-workshops

May you Winter in peace and without pressure!

Much love & gratitude,

Maddie

2023 has been a painful year. I didn’t quite realize this until many months in. It took one small trauma piling on top of the next and my plethora of self-awareness (which is sometimes slow to catch on) to realize that no amount of meditating could help me process the events that transpired. There were a lot of good outcomes, so I don’t want to make it like its been the complete year from hell, but as I sit waiting for my postpartum clients to show up to class, I notice the heaviness through my whole body, the dull headache, and a bit of a heavy heart. I came early today to ground myself extra well before I lead a group based on support. 

Pain is a teacher. All I can keep thinking of is how much I am learning this year. School is in session and I have a front row seat in class. They say nothing can prepare you for these types of events but I completely disagree. I think I have been training my whole life. It’s the work that I have done that precedes all of this that keeps me from crumbling into a million little pieces. I’m crying a lot at 7 months pregnant. I’m worrying a lot. But I am also meditating, bolstering my self-care by adding Epsom salt soaks at night, down-regulating my nervous system whenever possible. I have found time in my schedule to take 2-3 meditation breaks a day. And I started hugging my family more. Squeezing my anxious dog who is picking up on my energy. Cuddling my toddler and kissing her between her eyes and nose, holding my husband’s gaze longer and hugging him tighter. I’m no longer too busy to stop and do these things. Everything else can wait. Stress kills. Mitigating stress is a full time job when life events are out of your control. 

The biggest concern for an anxious person is uncertainty. Not knowing what the future holds. It’s taken me years to learn, but I am much better at sitting in the “shit” and waiting, without knowing. There is comfort in surrendering. It took me almost 30 years to truly understand what it means to surrender, but now that I do, there’s some freedom in it. I can’t control the outcome of this pregnancy, and the maternal fetal doctor made it clear to me yesterday that he is stumped, unsure what steps to take, not something an anxiety prone person would want to hear a high level physician charging them $600 a visit per week. I don’t want to smear my personal life all over the page, it suffices to just say that 2023 started with the ICU, the middle of the year was grief over the loss of my mother-in-law, the painstaking heartache of watching my husband carry her casket up and down stairs. Watching their pain and everything that followed and continues to linger as grief does. A pregnancy journey that no one would wish for, all the while balancing a home, raising a toddler as sensitive as I am, and  working in mental health care, trying to impact our broken system.

It’s heavy stuff, isn’t it? It regularly makes people uncomfortable. People don’t expect to hear that your day isn’t going as planned. But it’s made me gentler with everyone else in the world. I listened to my ultrasound tech tell me about the chaos in her home and my heart reached for hers. I saw a mother in the self-checkout line at Harris Teeter, sweating, trying to balance a cranky baby and check out. I felt the weight she was carrying. The weight of feeling totally under-resourced and yet 100% responsible for so many outcomes. My heart reached for her. My heart reaches for every patient I see. I protect my energy but I also see what our world is producing. People can’t afford to pay their rent and their minimum wage jobs lead them to homelessness which leads them to self-harm, which leads them into a room with me. My heart reaches for every single person. I hope along the way, hearts are reaching back towards mine, towards others in their path. That collective healing is what we all need. The collective stress in our world plays a role, but each human on earth can help it. 

I started doing this work at age eight when I was in a mental health hospital. That was the beginning for me. I am 31 now, and this past year I have had less anxiety than I have in my entire life. Not less discomfort, not less pain, not less devastation. I have had all of that this year. But my relationship to that pain, that loss, that unbearable discomfort is different. I know now that it is not a part of me. I am not my pain, or my circumstances, or even my body. I am the light inside it all, trying to guide this body and this brain to the path of least resistance. I am not a victim or even a survivor, I am just me. 

My hope through this lesson over the past year is that I can use this pain and this experience to radically shift the way I move through the world. To be less negative, to be more open, more creative, more accepting of self and others. I hope to infuse my wisdom into my work, write a book and launch a new component to my business. But first, I must birth a healthy baby and hibernate with her for a while. Taking in every inch of the human that has been growing inside me, connecting with me, and waiting for me to evolve so I can handle motherhood of two and so much more. 

All I ask from each one of you is that you also open your hearts. To the stranger passing you on the sidewalk in the morning, to the flustered person rushing out of the Harris Teeter parking lot, to your medical providers who DO sometimes have limited knowledge, to each other, every day. If we can all be self aware and lead with compassion, I think we will see a huge shift on this planet. It takes waking up to start. So the question is, are you awake? It’s never too late to start the work.  

This month is National Suicide Prevention Month. I see the impacts every day at work, Suicide rates and attempt rates are sky rocketing. Open your heart. Meditate. Take care of yourselves and those around you and remember that no matter what your circumstances are, you can find peace.

Yoga and Sound Healing will resume in January! But you can catch us at Seven Oaks Lavender Farm, where we will be practicing our yoga and creating healing soundscapes on October 14th!
https://www.sevenoakslavenderfarm.com/wildflower-wellness-festival

Read more: Finding Peace in the Chaos

I just finished up a 15-minute meditation on my dirty family room rug, next to two baskets of freshly folded laundry and surrounded by Timber’s stray dog hairs. The last few lines of the meditation are the theme for this post. “Continue to relax into your knowing that you are your own best healer. You are the medicine man. You can create this healing whenever you relax into the knowing of your truth.” (The Mindful Movement Podcast and Community).

This felt profound to me today. It’s been a while since I’ve done a post and life has been the busiest I can ever remember. I landed my dream job doing Yoga Therapy in the hospital. I’m raising a vivacious two-year-old and growing another human in my womb, and trying to navigate all of life’s challenges on top of our present world’s challenges as an empath. It ain’t easy. It’s been a sobering year for me. It has been beautiful but it has also been extremely hard. My husband was hospitalized for a heart condition spurred by COVID/vaccine in January (we will never know which but cardiologist confirmed its COVID or vaccine related), we lost my mother-in-law, and I recently took a fall off of a slide and remain on fetal monitoring on a weekly basis at 24 weeks pregnant. If you would have told me all of that would transpire in a year I would have told you that that would put me in a psychiatric ward. Ironic that I am working in a psych ward…. not a patient!

The landscape of our current political, social, and economic climate add to this trauma. More than ever people are self-isolating via devices and technology. Restaurants seem nearly empty because people Door Dash their food, people are divided by hate and fear and misinformation all over our country. As a society, we have sort of lost the meaning of this lifetime. The meaning of any lifetime. And it is simply to work as a collective. To help one another, to commune, to celebrate, to lean on, and I am not talking about a stupid Facebook community group, that does not count. The past 3 years have made me, more than ever, want to start a commune with all my favorite people and just denounce modern living. That’s what this stuff does to our brains, it’s toxic. 

As a yogi, natural lover of people and life, I repel all of the modern stuff. I want to talk to people in the grocery store, I want to have a regular meet-up with friends and our kids, I want to connect more. As an empath, I feel the separation of society and I witness what it is doing to our fellow neighbors. The suicide rates are at an all time high, this is affecting so many people in a profound and devastating way. The specific area that I live in, (cough cough NOVA), is extremely wealthy, and that wealth has grown more over the years due to tech and data centers, which means people are extremely busy and disengaged. Many people value material things, how big their house is, and their money. But I don’t relate. I can’t relate to something so fleeting and empty. This has also made it hard. Wise mentors always tell me that I am meant to spread healing and love and connection, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t hard to live amongst it. I guess it shows where I still have work to do internally. I was actually at the Farmers Market in Berlin. MD recently, and noticed a totally different vibe. It was so refreshing. Berlin is a small town on the eastern shore. Families gather and commune, moms toting toddlers and homemade popsicles from family owned businesses. As I walked through the market I realized some towns have a better sense of community and values, and one day when its possible, I will move or create that for myself. I crave it. Until then I am doing the inner work to not feel so annoyed that people are asleep. It is not their fault! I know this sounds so harsh. But its just honest. I don’t judge these people, I just don’t want to hang out with them LOL! I also want to add that I have created my own community here of AMAZING SOULS! Of friends that I will keep for a lifetime. My yoga & sound healing community is such a gift because it draws like minded people together and I truly have built a tribe and community with students, friends, and soul sisters. 

So all of that context and background to say, apart from the tragedy occurring in my own life, the backdrop makes it extra heavy. Thank god I have been doing the inner work for 20-years now, otherwise, I would be in the psych unit. So as I was meditating today on my floor, squeezing it in as a  self-regulation tool (home alone with a toddler all weekend and 2 crazy dogs) before my toddler woke up, I realized that we do have the ability to be our own healer, to protect our energy, to change our stories, and the radiate that out into the world.

The heaviness of the last few months makes me pause more, slow down more. Stop on our walks in the middle of the pavement to crouch down and watch a monarch butterfly together, gaze into Riley’s big blue eyes while she talks to me. That’s where I am finding solace. 

After my husband’s mom passed, his dad found a bunch of packages she never delivered to Riley. He is slowly sending us these little gifts from heaven. Yesterday, I watched Riley play with the puzzle she sent. I told her “nana sent that to us and now she is in heaven.” We talk to her all the time, just like you would talk to God. Riley thanked “nana in the sky” and tears just rolled down my cheeks. The pain in our lives that is replaced by gentle, organic joy is just amazing. I know my mother-in-law is one of our angels now and I know she is taking extra care of my unborn baby. 

As I sat on the floor today, I put my hands on my belly. I connected to my baby, I said her name and filled up with a gold light. At that precise moment she kicked my hand. And I knew. She is safe and healthy inside me.

Thats all for now. Riley just woke up. Back to it….

Love,

Maddie

I woke up this morning like I always do. I got my cheerful toddler out of her crib and fixed her breakfast. When she was on the sofa all snuggly with her stuffies, I snuck into the kitchen, like I always do, to practice my 10-minutes of breathing at resonant frequency. I carried on with my morning, and while out for a run with my two pain-in-the-ass but loving dogs, I had a glimpse of enlightenment. Notice my word “GLIMPSE.” I get these from time to time when my head and my heart are connected. When I am connected with my higher self. As I ran at a fast clip through the winter air it dawned on me: I feel the best I have felt in my entire life. I only say “the best” because I don’t remember how I felt when I was 6-years old, but by the time I was eight I was so burdened by obsessive thoughts and fear. And then until about age 30, I was always suffering from some affliction. Depression, anxiety, Lyme disease, low thyroid, weight gain, lethargy, suicidal thoughts, postpartum panic, the gangs all there! But as I ran, I looked at my life from the outside in and realized it is everything I could ever want, in my eyes, perfect.

As I say my life feels perfect, I’ll have you know it is not what the average person would call “perfect.” But we all have different definitions. I like to think mine is more connected to a deeper sense of meaning of life. I don’t have the perfect house, I live in a townhouse with a small yard and it’s “semi-updated.” In Loudoun County this may be someone’s nightmare! No gas stove?!?! No $20,000 bathroom?!?! Nope. Not my idea of happiness. I don’t have the perfect job to some people, in that I don’t make a lot of money, but I do something that gives meaning to my life and that I feel wholeheartedly connected to. I help other people and that in and of itself has saved my own life. It gave me real purpose. 

Another way to demonstrate my perfectly imperfect life is just last week my husband lay in the ICU fighting for his life with COVID (sketchy but true), and the old me would have RUMINATED myself to exhaustion. The uncertainty would have had my cortisol through the roof. While I was scared like anyone would be, I had tools and I had training that kept me as cool as possible.I was able to mama bear it out, take care of my kid, myself, and my husband. 

Life is a tricky bitch. There’s no other way to put it. I have been doing the work of a Yoga Therapist for 5-years but I have been fighting for a life of meaning and understanding for about 20 years. I like to think I have a lot of things figured out at the young age of 30. Want to know the secret to feeling WHOLE and connected to the rest of the universe? When I say “whole” please don’t take it as sunshine and rainbows. People who feel whole are going through shit all the time. They just know how to stay centered and to reconnect when they get disconnected. It’s not just ONE secret, but I’m going to break it down for you:

PAIN IS A TEACHER. Lessons in pain and discomfort and how to grow, instead of suffer, will lead you right to where you want to be. I became an expert in suffering at a young age. Fear was pumped into my consciousness from all angles. My teachers, psychiatrists, peers. I was made to feel like I could never succeed the way I wanted with the handicap I had. Mental illness. My first psych evaluation concluded that I would probably not go to college (Cool, I have a Masters Degree). My adolescent psychiatrist told me I was sick just like someone with Heart Disease. I would have to be medicated my whole life (was able to go off all SIX medications in 2019). Again and again I’ve proven these people wrong. How did I have the strength? It’s hard to say it simply, but ever since I had my first “glimpse” of enlightenment (which was October 14, 2015), I stayed hungry for more glimpses. For deeper meaning in life. For faith in the mystery of the universe and all that was possible if you just worked at it. Up until 2014, I was a version of a zombie. Sleeping through all my classes. I can remember waking up in my 8th grade English class and drool being all over my assignment. Teachers disciplined me. I just seemed like a bad kid. Not a kid doped up on antipsychotics and afraid of dying. My fear of death lasted so long. Each new trauma was a piece of evidence that I was not whole. That something was wrong with me. This kept me in a fear feedback loop. It kept me stuck.

It’s crazy to remember that all of these fears started to be addressed when I started taking yoga. Yoga was the catalyst for all of my deeper healing (FREAKING LOVE YOGA!) because yoga builds self awareness and gives us that space to look from the outside in. As a professional Yoga Therapist & Lifestyle Coach, I now see the patterns of people coming and wanting easy solutions. Wanting me to give them a practice that they can do once and be absolved from pain. But that is not my job, it tends to be the promise of the pharmaceutical world, but it doesn’t exist. The hard truth is that solutions come at a price. And pain is an admission to a meaningful life. Becoming curious about the pain and the deep rooted fear is what ultimately set me free. When you are able to sit with your pain, side by side, and let it be there, you can begin to unravel and learn what’s keeping it there.

I look at our world today and feel sad. People are buried in their social media trying to keep up with a fake goal post that’s constantly moving. A bigger house won’t help you feel better, more followers won’t give you self love, binge drinking on the weekends won’t give you the adventure you’re seeking. These are all ways to disconnect more and more. As humans, we are meant to connect with one another in the flesh.If you want to “feel better” you have to do the work. Take this from someone who has wanted to die. Take this from someone who has hated their body for YEARS! Take this from someone who is telling you all this and can tell you today that they are COMPLETELY at peace, and in love with their life. Hi, it’s me.

Wondering where to even start? Start right here. Connect to your breath. Take time each day to connect to the part of you that is always there. The part of you that is not your salary, your weight, or your instagram followers. The truest part of you comes through when you can be completely present. Rediscover the things that bring you joy and turn your mind off and do more of them. Say no more and respect your energetic boundaries. Learn to build a life you love by just slowing down and realizing what it is that you truly need.

  Of course, you’ll sometimes need guidance from professionals to work through trauma and old wounds and I am all about therapy! In fact, I still see a therapist once a month. I left her office today sobbing. Sobbing tears of joy. I am at a point in my life where I can breathe like there isn’t a 40-pound weight on my chest. I am at a point where I can nurture my relationships and also step back from some with boundaries. I am at a point where I infuse mindfulness throughout my whole day so that I remain present and balanced. I am at a point where I know, whatever happens, I have the tools and experience to cope and move forward in a healthy way. I am at a point in my life where I am finally free. And I am so glad I can share that freedom with my clients and the people I love.

You can be there, too. 

With an abundance of love and respect,

Maddie

P.S – Our second Holistic retreat just launched!!! Join us on January 21st for a day of ZEN & RELAXATION! Link to save your spot is below!

Welcome back to the Running Mind Blog! It’s been a hot minute as usual, but I’m happy to be putting out some new blog material today to get people excited about self-care and inner work for the holiday season-those of us who know, know!

I’ve been planning out my next tattoo and I really hope to incorporate the lessons that have changed my life forever. One of these is one of the five Yamas of yoga, aparigraha. This Sanskrit term means non-attachment and non-greed. I think it’s an amazing focus for the time we are in now. That space between all of the holiday craziness where the world makes you believe you need need need “things.” We are stepping into a new season and almost a new year, what better time than now to pause and reorient our values and our intentions. 

Instead of feeling frantic on what to buy for the holidays, pause and find gratitude for EVERYTHING in your life right now. I promise this simple practice will elevate you in so many ways. The media and social media make us believe that we are not whole without the latest skin care line, boots, appliances, etc and its so easy to get wrapped up in giving through a material means. What if you could become obsessed with parts of your life that you love right now? What if you could give your time, your listening ears, your heart? 

I’ve been practicing this for the past few weeks. It’s changed so much. Each day I am reminded that I am unbelievably blessed to have a family that gives so much love to me and that I love in return. It’s the mundane, small things for me that hold so much gratitude. For example, my toddler’s facial expressions when we are goofing around, the presence of my husband in the family room at 6 o’clock on a Wednesday cracking up with his mini me. The long, slow walk with the dogs in the morning as I chat with my business accountability partner (HEYYYY, ASH!). If I can recognize in the moment that these small parts of my day are gifts, my whole attitude shifts. So what my business is slow this week with lots of cancellation? So what, groceries are the price of a designer bag? So what my hormonal acne is slowly taking over my face? I have too much good in my life to become focused on the inconvenient. 

When we implement this gratitude practice we are activating abundance in all areas of our lives. You cannot feel depressed when abundance surrounds you. This post is especially cheerful and I want to admit that a few months ago, I would not be typing this out with such an open and happy heart. The truth is life ebbs and flows. Sometimes we have the capacity to implement more practices and more mindfulness, sometimes we really don’t, but it is the practice itself that armors us from slipping into the dark. I have been surrounded by darkness many times in my life. Yoga has saved it. I think if you read my blog, you know that.

The practice of yoga is ancient and simple. Connect breath to body. Be present and practice non-attachment to those things that are changing. If we are truly aligned with our highest self, or God, we will not suffer. Yoga is a consistent form of cognitive behavioral therapy because it affects us on a mind/body/spirit level. Every time a life stress comes up, yoga teaches us to breathe through it, live with intention, and release attachments to outcomes. This changes your brain chemistry and builds resilience. It’s simple but it requires dedication. It requires a purpose and a will to live this life in a way that is connected with all beings.

As you digest what you are reading today, I want to leave you with this thought and action step. Can you become obsessed with small parts (or big) of your day and find genuine gratitude for them? Try practicing this up until Thanksgiving and notice the subtle or not so subtle shifts that occur in your life. I will caution you that when you are overstressed, under nourished, and not sleeping well, this practice is much much harder, but not impossible. Try to start this practice on your best day and let it flow into all the days of your life. We all need to slow down more often so that we can hear our breath and reconnect to the part of ourselves that is unchanging and true.

I am so excited to announce that we will be offering our SECOND healing wellness retreat on January 21st in Middleburg, VA. Click https://www.eventbrite.com/e/yoga-sound-healing-tickets-378122353137 to sign up!

Thanks for stopping by!

Maddie Tuohy

http://www.empoweryogatherapy.org

Welcome back to the Running Mind Blog!~

Admittedly, it has been a hot minute since I have done a blog post. Let’s just blame it on life. Life happens. I am just happy these days when a blog post gets squeezed in, it means that I had some spare time, and don’t we all need more of that!

And just like that…Fall is swiftly approaching. Oh, how I adore this season! The leaves changing and falling, cooler weather, a break from the Virginia humidity and sweat where you don’t always want it (gross). People either feel invigorated and renewed with this change of season OR very anxious. Those that feel terribly anxious usually have trouble with change and transition. It is safe to say that change and transition is difficult for everyone, but not everyone reacts to change in the same way. As I walked past a streaming creek this morning I thought about how life is always flowing along, and if we try to tread water or grasp at the branches on the sidelines, we will struggle. Instead, it is always better to ride the currents and accept the change coming our way. Easier said than done!

As challenging as it may be, change is usually a good thing. We are meant to stay in flow with life, rather than stagnation. Change is always an opportunity to evolve and grow. As fall approaches, the element is earth, reminding us to ground and surround ourselves with routines and rituals that keep us stable and balanced. What does that look like for you? I have highlighted my tips for persevering through fall below:

1. Set an intention for the season to come and use it as a focal point throughout your day. What do you ultimately want to achieve this fall? How do you want to feel? What have you been yearning to do? Let these questions be a guide to formulate an intention that helps you focus on your fall goals. You can reassess these intentions on a weekly, quarterly, or monthly basis. For more help on intention setting, check out this post: click here to read
2. Create or adjust your “wind-down” routine. Having a bedtime routine helps to set the tone for your sleep hygiene and also helps the body and mind to down-regulate for the night. As days continue to get shorter, its important to get enough sleep to stay balanced hormonally, mentally, and physically!
3. Plan Ahead: Winter will be here before you know it, and winter is the season of rest and restoration, so if you have any big things on your to-do list, try and plan them out for completion in the fall.
4. Stay present as always! If you are grounded and connected to your own life, change will be much easier to handle. Try upping your meditation game and if you don’t have one, maybe it’s the perfect time to begin! Here is a great meditation challenge that is free of charge and just 5-minutes a day.http://www.mindfulnessbasedachievement.com/30day

My last parting advice for entering the new season is to take a position of curiosity. Notice how your body reacts to the changes, notice how your mind reacts, what your thoughts tend to be. These observances will be useful and maybe even interesting to you as you make decisions and changes.

If you are local to NOVA, I have a few events coming up!

• September 14th: Yoga Mamas at Yoga Shala in Aldie. A six-week workshop meeting every Wednesday at noon. Sign up https://www.yogashala.life/events
• September 22nd at 6:30PM, Yoga & Sound Bath Meditation at Yoga Shala. Sign up https://www.yogashala.life/events
• September 28th: Yoga & Sound Healing monthly event. Last Wednesday of each month at 7pm. Sign up: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/yoga-sound-healing-tickets-378122353137
• I have a few private, yoga therapy sessions available. Bookings can happen through my website!
• http://www.empoweryogatherapy.org

Before I go, a little Riley spam from the sweet summer time. We lived in the moment oh, so much! I am so glad we got to spend so much time at the ocean with Nonna & Pop.

The sadness of our world is overwhelming today. I woke up with a heaviness and an anxiousness that frightened me. “This feels unnatural,” I thought. I am always trying to be more grounded, meditate more, and stay in the present moment. Lately, it seems harder and harder to be right here. I am ecstatic to be writing this entry, because as I sit in a Starbucks with a mint tea (for just 15 more minutes before I have to go to a client), I am really here. How often are we really here anymore?

It feels like time is going in fast forward motion but we are still surrounded by tragedy every day. I start to bury my head in the sand but the collective energy in our world is too strong to ignore or close the door on. This morning I think this was as evident as ever as I awoke feeling startled and uneasy. Something has got to change. Maybe I need to up my self-care, ditch TV time with hubby to do more grounding before sleep, eat even cleaner, connect with girlfriends, read some spiritual books, but then I stressed myself out even thinking of all the change that may “need” to happen to just feel better. The worrier in me took over.

The band, “Dawes’,has a song that  I love. It’s called, “A little bit of everything.” It is about people getting their hearts broken and being sad about things that went wrong in their lives. It’s a deep song, you should listen to it. I love the name of this song and I think it is what I would use to explain why I feel sad some days. “It’s a little bit of everything”. It’s not JUST about the guilt from putting my baby in daycare to run a business, it’s not JUST about the political unrest and division that has spread across our nation, it’s not JUST about global pandemic, it’s not JUST about inflation, it’s not JUST about the war in Ukraine and seeing mothers’ on TV holding their baby carriages above their heads, it’s not JUST about being a survivor of depression and suicide and trying to help as many people as I can and keep myself together, it’s not JUST about the fact that our country has become so disconnected and addicted to cell phones, it’s not JUST about all the pain we hear and see and feel every day, it’s a little bit of everything.

I sit in a Starbucks and I look around and I feel genuinely connected to the people sitting around me. There’s an athletic, young ish man sitting at a table doing his work. Typing fast and occasionally dancing to the beat in his headphones. There’s a middle aged woman in her rain boots, sitting with her legs crossed and staring out the window melancholily. There’s a couple in the corner chatting but neither of them are looking each other in the eyes. They are both completely somewhere else. We are all in this room, AirPods in our ears, but I could reach out and hug every one of them if that wouldn’t make me look like a giant weirdo. But I’m an empath, I have an urge to connect with people, not all the time, but I know that we are meant to share, connect, and love each other. Not sit in silence, barely communicating face to face. This makes everything feel more empty and sad to me. Not all empaths want to hug everyone, some empaths want everyone to stay away! An empath is just someone who is more sensitive to energy. And today I am feeling extra sensitive. Maybe it’s the changing hormones after just weaning my one-year old from breastfeeding, maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s our world. Maybe it’s a little bit of everything. I just thank God that I have a loving husband to come home to, a healthy, vivacious toddler who holds the world in her eyes, and two loyal fur babies. This makes it better. I know I am blessed.

I set out to write this blog post today to offer words of wisdom and care to anyone who feels like they are suffering. You are not alone. Actually, it’s more common to NOT be suffering right now. My job is to educate my clients on how to live a healthier, more connected, and balanced life. As an empath, there is so much more care we must take to ensure that we stay balanced. We have to make sure we are keeping our energy separate from those who come around us and that we clear our energy every single day after absorbing maybe a little too much. I want to simplify it and offer some simple, laid out steps for all of my sensitive people. I will call them “the empath survival tools.”

EMPATH SURVIVAL TOOLS:

• Tap into your own spirituality so that you can call on a power higher than your own. This can be God, Mother Nature, the universe, or maybe just your highest self. Praying and asking for help from this higher power will keep you grounded and help you stay connected to what is important to you.
• Take some time for decompression and energy cleansing at the end of each day. You could exercise, meditate, practice deep breathing, journal, or dance. Anything that helps you visualize releasing anything you took on throughout the day that was not yours to take.
• Allow yourself to feel the way you feel. We are meant to go through all of the emotions as humans. Try to understand your sadness, but allow it. Sit next to it and let it be. 
• Do things that fill your cup back up at least once a day. It is proven that happiness looks different for everyone. Find out what truly recharges you and work it into your regular schedule.
• Touch, feel, smell, and listen to real humans. Don’t stay behind a phone screen. Get out and get some human interactions. Find humans you enjoy being around and spend time in their company. We are not robots, we need human connection to thrive. 

I hope these tools help people. I know we hear it all the time, but it’s ok to not be ok. Seriously. Feeling supported and loved is the greatest gift any of us could hope for. Make sure you love and support yourself first. Like all horrible times in history, this too shall pass. Try to find joy & novelty in your everyday life. Adopt a child-like wonder for the world around you and stay true to yourself. This too shall pass. With so much darkness in our world, we really need more people to shine light into it. My wise and wonderful mother said this to me the other day. She said, “we need more people to shine their light into this darkness that has always been there.” I totally agree. Shine. your. lights.

Join my mother & I March 29th for Yoga & Sound Healing in Middleburg! We will be shining so much light through yoga & sound therapy!

With love & light,

Maddie Tuohy

Welcome back to the Running Mind Blog! Over the past month, my mind has not been running as much, but my physiology has been shifting and I’ve been adjusting and re-adjusting to the roles and situations in my life. Motherhood seems to be the largest life change yet, and who can be surprised about that? Until you are in the thick of changing hormones, baby illnesses, and huge changes in your personal life, you don’t quite realize the weight that motherhood can begin to carry. It’s an extra hat to wear, it’s a marking on your body, it’s the deepest love inside your heart that burns and swells with each obstacle thrown on your motherhood path.

So it’s been a month…I’m not going to sugar coat it. I write an anxiety blog and I will be the first to admit when I am suffering. I used to hate admitting when I was suffering because it made me feel like a failure. A successful Yoga Therapist who helps other people overcome their anxiety certainly can’t suffer. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. In the Yoga Sutras we are taught that suffering is optional, but pain is a teacher. I keep that lesson in my back pocket always, but especially now. I am meant to go through these hurdles, I am able, I am strong, and I am resilient. I may not know it every second of the journey, but my soul knows it. And isn’t it interesting how easy it is for us to slip back into our wounds, slip back into our old, defective ways of thinking. That negative loop can carry us farther than we ever imagined. So here I am writing this blog post as a therapeutic tactic. It’s November 23, 2021, my only daughter’s first birthday. I gave birth to her on this day, one year ago at 8:50PM and I was never the same. My baby Riley is currently waking from a very short nap in her crib. She is struggling, too. She has RSV, a respiratory virus that makes it difficult to breathe. The pain I feel to watch her in pain, on her birthday nonetheless, is agonizing. But, again, back to the yoga, the whole situation is actually neutral, I am choosing to suffer. This lesson is so much harder in the context of motherhood, y’all. 

Kurt Cobain once said, “come as you are.” So, here I am. I am not meditating every day, but I am taking time to notice the color of the sky and slow my breathing. I don’t get to walk in the sun every morning but I make sure to stand in the backyard or do some squats in the backyard and let that sun warm my skin and send a glow into my heart (sun is medicine for us prone to depression). I can’t balance my macros right now but I’m eating when I’m hungry and still managing to breastfeed a year old baby. Speaking of eating, my appetite went insane. I feel like I’m going through puberty one minute, then nauseous the next. Again, hormones can do remarkable things to your body. They help relax your muscles to fit a baby through your pelvis and they also can make you feel all sorts of insane.

Just two weeks ago I started experiencing insomnia for the first time in my whole life. I panicked. Sleep is so essential, whatever will happen to me? The worry set in. Then the panic attacks in bed. I was thrown. How is this happening? I took detox baths, did fear release meditations, and yoga nidra before bed. Still up all night. I tried ambien begrudgingly, but it didn’t work. I cried and panicked and cried some more. What’s going to happen to me? Why is this happening to me? Impending doom set in. What’s next? Depression? Well, it was, but I did get medication for panic to take as needed and started sleeping again within a week. I survived. Could it be the sharp change in hormones? The stress from my husband traveling every weekend? The stress from caring for a baby with a stomach virus and starting daycare? Maybe a combination of the whole shabang. The point is that it was enough to throw me just almost over the edge. I felt so scared. Scared to be back on medications. Scared to be failing as a mom because I had to pump and dump to take my panic medicine. Scared as a human who has been in some scary mental health situations. 

I started to improve, doing my self care, using my tools and focusing on the good. Last Friday Riley was diagnosed with RSV and we had to cancel her birthday party. I was devastated. I know there’s worse situations but I just couldn’t help feeling sorry for myself and Riley. She’s still fighting the virus on Tuesday, but her symptoms have peaked and it’s very pathetic to watch. She goes from having trouble catching her breath, to smiling at the dogs, to laying her head on a stair. She’s fighting it and she’s going to be okay, and mom will be ok, too.

The backdrop for any suffering right now is a country at war with each other, a pandemic that has taken up so much of our time, and legit chaos in the universe. We have to remember that the collective energy really affects us (especially us empaths) and can add up to make us feel a lot of inner turmoil. I personally feel isolated, lonely, and ungrounded after caring for a sick kid, on and off alone, and transitioning into a new season of life. We are also literally transitioning into Fall, which is a very hard transition for my body. Change is paramount for the human race. Change is a given in general. With each day the tides change, the day turns to night, the weather, the moods, the prices of gas… the list goes on. Why do we attach to the things that are changing so much? If we could only let go and go with the flow, like a leaf floating in the riptide. We resist what is uncomfortable. We resist what is challenging. We resist what goes against our belief systems, and so we suffer. But we do not have to suffer. As I continue to experience challenges, I continue to remind myself: this is my season of life. There is a lesson. And PAIN IS A TEACHER. 

I think we need more community everywhere, more hands, more hearts to help to share and to connect. I think that makes all the difference during times like these. I yearn for in-person, true connections. This has always made my heart full. It’s been my souls’ purpose to help others who are suffering. All of my suffering was purposeful to fuel a passion in me, a mission, to help others find healing. To find hope. This is why I know this period of my life is important. I am meant to help many new mothers through their postpartum struggles. I just need to experience the full depths of it first, so that I can truly help them. So that I can truly help change the system that leaves so many people behind, filled with prescription medication and feeling alone. 

Pain is a teacher. It teaches us that we can overcome anything if we truly believe that we can. It teaches us that we are stronger than we think. And when the pain slowly subsides, the hopeful period of relief and relaxation is so worth it. If you are in pain or experiencing suffering during this difficult time in history, know you are not alone, know that you are never alone. We must connect more with one another instead of turning to social media to scroll and lament. Lean on your loved ones. Hug your babies, and know that you are deeply whole and loved.

With an abundance of love,

Maddie